Just how special is grandma's wedding dress?

Just how special is grandma\'s wedding dress?

Hi Everyone - I'm a long time lurker here - newish member!

I was wondering - does anyone think it's morally wrong to sell your grandmother's wedding dress? I'm thinking of selling my own grandmother's gown but am completely conflicted. It's from 1948 and is nothing but covered buttons down the back and netted ruffles everywhere. It's absolutely stunning, but I figure it's way too small for me, so why not give it to a good home and use it to help pay for my own dress? I am using her ring afterall so I will still have a piece of her special day to combine with my own.

'll be happy to post pictures of it as SOON as I find someone tiny enough to fit into it. Or as soon as I find her wedding photos.

P.S. The gown I'm so conflicted over (I really just feel like it's THE one I've been searching for) is on eBay right now - and it's one of yours Poppy!

Thanks in advance for everyone's opinions.

~Anessa

 

Personally, I hate it when I go on a buy and find out that the people are selling their mom's, grandma's, etc clothing. I always ask the seller if they ARE SURE that they want to sell these items and ask if there is not some other family member that would want them.
LOL, probably not such a good idea if you are a dealer to be asking such questions but I find it appalling that people would want to part with family heirlooms. I suppose it's because my family didn't keep much, I have a pair of my mum's 1979 see thru disco shoes and my aunt's red crinoline that she wore in the 50's that I am keeping that I will never sell, EVER just because my family wore them! I wish I had my mum's pink mini dress that she wore as a wedding gown in 1968 and my grandma's 1932 wedding gown to keep :(
I would keep it as a family heirloom, even if you can't wear it, you can always display it. It's not like furniture that it will take up alot of space either. You can always store it under bed, etc when not displaying it. Plus, you never know in the future if you'll have a daughter, granddaughter, neice, or some other family member that would want to wear or own "great grandma's" gown too.
I vote to keep it!

Lei

 

I'm the opposite, sorry Lei. Just because a family member wore it doesn't make it a sanctified relic of family history. You can't keep everything. When my mother died five years ago at first I wanted to keep everything, but as my father is a tosser (not in the English sense of the word), he was ptiching everything into the garbage that wasn't nailed down or we had specifically requested. As the years passed I kept thinking to myself, why did I grab this? I will never use it, it has no purpose, and its taking up space. It was better to give or sell those items I didn't want to someone else so they could get some joy out of it. If you have no joy in hanging onto your grandmother's wedding dress, I say get rid of it to someone who will enjoy it. Also, don't feel guilty about getting money for it. I am sure your grandmother would prefer to able to make your wedding day more special by you being able to sell her dress so that you can have a dress you want. In fact I would suggest selling it over giving it away, as when people exchange money, they often treasure their purchases more. Gifts are sometimes treated with less respect because it cost them nothing.
When it comes right down to it, its only things and we can't take them with us, so enjoy them while you are here and if you can't enjoy them, make sure someone else gets it who will enjoy it. You will still have the photos of her wearing the dress for your family history. It might be different if you lived in a big house with a big attic and you had pots of money and could just put it away for future generations but you probably don't have that space, nor the money to be able to do that... Its just stuff.

 

If you do decide to sell the dress I would say use a small amount of the precedes to restore/ persevere or copy some photos of your Grandma.

Another idea about keep sakes and especially relevant for the ladies here with young family, you will be family with the old baby books ( my first years) which were done with lock of babies hair etc.

My sister took this further and did one each for her children and presented it to them on their 21st birthdays it was done like a story with all the significant events which had happened in the first 21 years of life,
I have to say they were not very interested but, in time it will be of great interest to the generation not yet born. That might be worth thinking about doing for any one here.
We are now doing the same for my father this is a bigger project 75 years to cover and it is harder to find information as he is the oldest of the surviving family now.
My advice is not to think now but how you might reflect upon the decision you made today in say 10 years time.

My Grand parents like every one else always re used every thing as much as possable , they say today re-cycle as if it is modern thing but in the depression and war years they made full use of every thing as a matter of course and this habit continued to the amusement of the family in the nicest passable way until they passed away.
Grandma might look down favourably if her dress was worn by another bride.
But in the end it is how you feel that counts.

 

if you want to sell it, make ABSOLUTELY sure that no one else in the family wants the dress. You may think that folks don't care, but if they find out it is gone after the fact, you very well could have a problem or at least hurt feelings on your hands. It won't be there if a cousin, niece, or granddaughter wishes to wear it.

Right now, post war dresses don't do as well as prewar dresses and I would say hold onto it. You can always sell it later. But you can never get it back once its gone. I wish my aunts had kept my grandmother's dress. They are all built differently than me, and it would have probably fit me.

There must be something else you could sell, or maybe a relative that would be willing to loan you the money until you get money from your wedding or shower, or paid them back with a side job.

You don't have to keep everything grandma touched, but if you are not able to get the maximum possible dollar amount because you sell it locally or don't market it correctly, it will not be enough for the dress you want, and you will end up halfway towards the dress and not have grandmas either. if you are a vintage clothing dealer and can make for certain that because of your marketing you WOULD be able to get maximum value for it, then maybe it would be different. But if the dress you want is up at auction this minute anything right now would be a "quick sale"

Sorry to be a downer, but thats my opinion

 

WOW! Such a diverse group of opinions ! I appreciate every single one of them! THANK YOU!

Here's where I'm at so far. It's not that I can't afford the dress - it's just more that I shouldn't right now. I wouldn't be selling it to enable myself to buy another one. I just thought it would be nice if that money was used towards my own wedding instead of on bills or more clothing I don't need etc etc. BUT I have the money so I think I'm just going to bid on the dress I want anway. So that settles that. If I don't win it - then I will just have to live with the fact that it wasn't meant to be!

So what I'm going to do instead is this: one of my greatest loves is restoring textiles so the first thing it needs is a little TLC before it can bring ANYONE any happiness. I think I'm not in a hurry to sell the dress, but I am in a hurry to fix it up again.

You see I found it unloved and wrapped in a plastic bag LITERALLY under the sink in my grandmother's bar area. It wasn't even folded so I'm not sure that it meant as much to her as it even does to me.

So I think what I'm going to do is my initial soaking in perk, and then I'll lay it to dry and then once I've fixed it all up (a few small tatters in the train) I'm going to put it on a dress form and watch it for a few weeks... just sort of mull it over a bit. I've still never seen it in it's full glory and it's always been one of those things I've been meaning to get around to doing.

Then maybe after I've watched it for a while I'll know what the right answer (for me) is.

The other half of the equation for me lies in the fact that everything that was my grandmothers is next to being holy in my mind. I have TONS of her furniture, clothing, purses, dishes, old photos and letters and I'm even using her original engagement ring and wedding band (which I wouldn't part with for a million dollars). My dad says that the wedding rings are more important than the dress in his mind b/c he thinks of her when he sees them and eventually he'll think of us both when he sees them. I think what's most important are the memories we have of a person. All the material 'stuff' can disappear and we can be sad about it but in reality it won't change how we remember someone.

Ok now I'm getting teary and going off on a tangent. I think I'm just going to have to wait on selling the dress. For now it's not hurting anything where it is and odds are good it will probably just end up back in my closet.

Again thank you everyone for your replies and opinions. I think that after reading everyon'e responses I was able to decide what the right path for me and this dress is.

 

I can appreciate the feeling of wanting to keep everything. She must not have died too long ago, or maybe did but of course it is always way too soon when a grandparent dies.

If you have trouble letting go of things, I would pick a few items that other relatives have admired and would cherish and give them to them to keep and pass down. Or if there is a photo or two you can give to others who would truly appreciate them...ie. if you have siblings as well.... my aunts have all the old photos and my dad got only 4 from his whole childhood. I have one photo (that was coped from one my parents have) of my grandparents and that is all. I don't know what my great grandparents looked like. I can understand wanting to keep certain photos together, but sure wish they would have shared.

Anyways...i don't want to get on a wild tangent, either..

 

If you can't wear it, can you wear a piece of it, like the veil or a garter?

I'd keep it, just for a while. Don't sell when the decision is emotional or out of need for funds. Sell old CDs or have a garage sale of clothing and household stuff to make a few bucks.

Jenn