The study of fabric is taking a break today so that we can study the much more important subjects of vintage BADvertising, haute torture, beautifiers for when you have nothing to lose, and those perpetual favorites: 1970s men's fashions and bridesmaids of the 1980s. Gap-osis: it makes a guy's eyes shoot not daggers, but zipper teeth. A warning to us all (about zippers, or possibly guys) from 1940. After all, what could go wrong? Flesh-reducing soap, now made with SIX types of corrosive bacteria! Still another practical way to get that great physique. You know it makes sense. Pick a Pair of drunk advertising geniuses. Sears—for all your space-cult family needs. No...on so many levels Things WOULD happen. This woman has herself a little acetate sandwich. What is choice B? The rest of you might go up in flames, but your crotch will be safe and sound. No, thanks. Just speechless. And if the hair thing doesn’t work out, it makes a reasonable Jello mold. Why am I just finding out about this? Why suffer when you could be wearing one of these babies? Those born with dimples are part of a secret society that have been placed on earth to bring joy to all. Never worked for me… Ah the good ol’ days, when you weren’t fat enough. The girl on the left should have been born in 1995. I could show you how to do that, no trouble. The puffier the clothing, the longer the marriage. So THAT’S where my mylar space blankets went. Sale at the tanning parlor. Put some wheels under this and you actually have a half-decent parade float. Fabric Friday will be back next week—until then, keep crocheting! Crochet for men…Each one more terrifying than the last.
