Technical issues resolved....on with the show!
Alright, back to determining what is being said..versus how its being said.
QUite simplistically speaking, if someone types in all caps it could be they are hoppin mad and SHOUTING at you, or they could work as a data entry analyst and their keyboard could be locked in the all caps mode, so either they don't really think about it or can't change it. If you get an all caps message try copying and pasting into a word processing program and make it lower case. Sometimes that makes a big difference.
Also, if a person insults you personally in an email, do not lower yourself to throwing insults back. it solves nothing and only escalates the situation. If it is not completely lewd and inapropriate but implying something about your professional reputation, delete that part and go forward looking at the rest of the message. It can and should be addressed, but if you start throwing jabs at them, you have lost control of the situation and they are getting the rise you are looking for. You have no obligation to deal with this person in the future, but you still have to complete the transaction whether its to end or complete the exchange.
okay...back on track
More complexly.....
Is the person
1) Experiencing buyers remorse?
2) Trying to negotiate without doing so openly?
"Oh, if only I had listened to my conscious and not bought this, i knew it wouldn't fit me...oh, i don't know what the heck i am going to do with this dress now...throw it out? i am sure you would not like me to do that, would you?" (and they want you to jump in and offer a solution)
3) Is there an issue that you overlooked?
4) Are they mistaking you for someone else or are they only exhibiting "their way"
And it could be hidden a bit. They might not come right out and say it.
What I mean by "their way": there are many ways people are educated over the years rightfully and wrongfully by consumer groups, by popular culture, and by ideas exposed to them by their families. Everyone had an uncle, sister, or father who was the one that played "hard ball" in the family and the one that always went to the car dealership or whenever a major purchase was made. They had been taught when you don't receive satisfaction, ask to speak to their manager!! And the interesting thing is that there are a few times when yes, speaking to the manager is apropriate, but more often than not, there was nothing amiss and the customer just wasn't being told what they wanted to hear. The salesperson was acting completely honestly, but somehow when hearing it from the manager they feel better....or more likely for the hardball negotiators in your family...they think that by somehow asking to see the manager is threatening to someone.
When we work for ourselves, or deal on the internet, the standard "dance" of negotiating or when something is wrong is not the same, but there are people that will still use "techniques" to try to achieve an outcome. They may try to coerce "i will leave you a bad mark...if" :I will report you to your online payment service if..." this is exactly the same customer who you witnessed as a kid saying "I am going to report you to your manager!" "but i will give them a good report if you do THIS for me."
So when you break it down and translate it into the language of an old style department store, you might have remembered what you would have done in that situation if the person was right there. Its the language of cyberspace that just makes it feel like we have never come acrossed a communciating or negotiating style before.
What would you do when someone was in person and they came into your shop?
- calm them down and get the situation in hand
- perhaps reassure them that you want to understand the matter at hand so you can work together to make things right and make them a happy customer (note i am not saying right out to accept a return, you are working TOGETHER to resolve it)
- back up and repeat what you perceive that the person is requesting, even if you have to really interpret it to make sure you are clear.
- ask questions that require a "yes" answer if it is not quite clear what they are unhappy about
Sometimes it is not that complex, sometimes you can cut to the chase, but not all the time.
This is not a "formula" but just little tidbits if you really get stuck
The key is to keep things in control, and offer choices that require a yes or no. When you leave it open to "what do you want to do about it?" people are not sure what to do.
Just like if you put an ad in the paper saying "best offer" people don't respond but if you say $20,000 or best offer...at least they have an idea what you are getting at.
